Tidings

I’m staying in a hotel across a bridge from the old city of Riga. This is no longer a novelty, the walking back and forth (there’s nothing at all on this side so the strolling is born out of necessity). My room is lovely at least, royal blue carpet and pink patterned bathroom wallpaper. I saw fireworks a few nights ago from my window. Yesterday three women dressed as coloured mushrooms were performing a novel Xmas Eve number, dancing and singing on a little stage in the town square. The population in Riga is less that 800,000 – a perfect size for a festive-minded Baltic-style layover, non?

This is my last rotation for the year. I’m proceeding home on Wednesday, and then flying to Paris for New Year’s. I cringe just a little at that (seems trite).Then, because I cringe, I also feel like something’s off. There’s more apprehension than excitement?

I called my grandma earlier this week. It was her 88th birthday. Couldn’t remember the last time I spoke to her. The conversation lasted no more than 3 minutes, she was pretty eager to get off the line. I’ll try this family phone call thing again in a few days, my brother’s 40th. And yes, I called Mum too. She’s due for a visit towards the end of 2012. I expect (?) to still be in Dubai, so we need her there when the weather is tolerable.

It’s Christmas Day, and the only person I’ve seen is the chambermaid, barging into my room. I’ll go for a drink later maybe, either tea at the Christmas tavern-y markets or at a bar, alone, like the old me. Best to avoid the mulled wine – last time I had that it was not, eh, a pretty outcome. Wish I could say that, aside from the Latvian McDonalds and the rose lokum and the pear cider, I’ve made full use of the time by bob-sledding and partying and having riotus dinners with great colleagues. Unfortuntely this is not the case. What have I really been doing? Shopping (mostly the window variety), walking, watching Modern Family, learning French, sleeping in. Tis the season of subdued action. The pilots are nice enough, but I haven’t seen them since we last checked-in and don’t particularly want to.

I’m proud of the things I tried for the first time this year. Fun activity, adventurous stuff. Nothing huge. But it’s enough for me. Of course I’ll have a fresh list in the back of my 2012 planner, nothing that different really. The thing that gets me is that it’s all short-term, dumb-dumb simple, single-focus. I absolutely do not have the softest whimper of long-term, major, complex goals. Not even a echoed whisper of some concrete aspirations, raw ambition. The thought is so awful, second only in its awfulness by the thought of aging (the cliché fear of every female). What a bummer.

I had an interview a few Sundays ago (I blew it). I was gleeful and fitful and got ahead of myself after the first day. At the following meeting I was brought back to earth. This was imperceptibly, just barely paralysing. It was a double-slap rejection because I wouldn’t have taken it anyway, not after I understood their counter-offer. On my side I asked for too much money and I was too honest about my current ‘package’ (if you could even call it that). On their side, they had a brand-new ACJ318 (good) based in Dubai (good) with a 12k basic (good) but wanted the FAs to clean the cabin alone (are you fucking high?) and be on permanent standby (ooof) and fly probably most often to, from and around the African continent (..)

R and I have dating for 6 months now. And you know for me that’s an obscene stretch of time. There’s a kind of plan to live together when he finds a new apartment in January. The house-hunting didn’t really happen in November or December, because of the trips we took (Vietnam and Houston) and then the holidays. I’m too proud, too shy, to talk about him, about what’s happened. The best I’ve been able to say is that I have ‘unhealthy feelings’ for him (argh). He’s taught me a lot. It’s remarkable how he has no faults at all. I really mean this, it’s nothing short of astonishing. Any slight issue that’s come up has been brought on by me. And I get spooked easily.. everything I know about relationships is through the observation of friends and their boyfriends or.. the (gasp!) media. If anything is unhealthy, it’s gotta be that.

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Organ Registry?

There’s no such thing as an international organ donation registry? How do the laws work, say if you die in another country, for example? I can’t register in Australia because I don’t live there, and probably it wouldn’t matter? Say I’d be elsewhere in the world, would the hospital be able to take tissues or organs?

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Puzzle

I’ve been watching so much Californication my eyesight has deteriorated. Hope it’s temporary :) Have had a super lazy week. Got a few things done at home though. Still – staying put to watch Hank Moody fuck his way through life, that isn’t acceptable. Last night was a dnb thing and I was invited out by Romain’s group though he’s not even here (I really ought to be going no matter what a la Jim Carrey in The Yes Man).

Quite regressive. But.. I’m angry. Angry that I’ve pulled out money from my savings. Angry that the heat blasts out any motivation to run outdoors. Angry with my shitty self. One can’t partying carrying a black mood like that.

Annoying false alarm for a flight on Tuesday, getting ready in a crazy flurry for a flight that cancelled again before I left the apartment. It was only to Riyadh again, but I really wanted to go. It’s really not the most amazing time to be in Dubai now.

I am continually checking with Ops and people from the office on Skype about flights. Doesn’t seem like there’s anything scheduled. It’s almost August! What ever has happened to my dreamy European flying work holiday? :/

I don’t feel enthusiastic about this last weekend before Ramadan anymore.

This BSc of Global Social Science, at a campus a few minutes from my place. A private pilot license. Everything is 2-3 years and many, many hours. I can’t trust myself to commit. And everything is expensive. I have trouble considering an annual gym membership even! Who knows where I’ll be or what’ll be happening a year from now right?! 2012, I mean woa. Haven’t even finished this fluffy IATA diploma because the last exam was scheduled exactly when I was changing jobs and countries back in April. It’s all so pathetic.

I’m taking the easy way out? Just like that Westlife song? I’m 25 soon – major ooof. These are the years I’m to spend in the middle east? What of Western or Northern Europe? Soaking up the developed, creative, democratic, gender-balanced social norms of Scandinavia. Many many tall blonde people. Returning to my formative years by the way of cold weather.

I can stay in Dubai for 40 days free on a visitor visa. I appreciate this. I can stay in Europe for 90 days however.

I know with certainty that I’m not going anywhere. I am building something here and there is no way I am letting go. But the wonder, and the puzzle, is always present.

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July

5 weeks off. Then an overnight stay in Riyadh last Friday, and here I am, back again! What have I been doing to occupy myself all this time? Well.. indoor rockclimbing and cable climb yesterday with Felix (Maria was a spectator) at Adventure HQ. Test drive on a KTM bike. Thai massage at Happy Valley. Bars, clubs, dinners. Jogs. Boyfriend, friends, flatmate. Ripped TV series, movies. Mall trawling.

So – nothing out of the ordinary.

Plan on doing a test flight on a Piper single-engine. Issue is that the papers need to be handed in a few weeks in advance, so I could be waiting a while for whatever approval is required. Chatted with Wolfgang about possibly getting a PPL. Can’t get clarity on my reasons for thinking about it? For bragging rights? Because I need some project to occupy myself? Or I would truly enjoy it?

A friend might be able to ‘hire’ me to get a work permit here (for residency) under his old company that it still operating. For licenses, visas, identification etc, this would certainly be helpful. Too legit to quit!

On the 15th I had the best night. Drum and bass party at Chi. I felt like myself there. It was a rediscovery. And it was fucking awesome. Danced for three hours non-stop, free entry, free drinks. Wanted to hug every girl that showed up in serious (read:flat) shoes, suited to the event.

Friends. Miranda starts a new job on the 1st, something else in Saudi Arabia. My company needs new girls but surprisingly there isn’t really anyone to pull in. Nourhan is in Egypt on leave. Ann is finally shifting to Dubai. Romain is on leave. I think Felix is taking a weekend trip away this weekend or next.

And what’s rolling in come August? Ramadan. I’m hoping the cards fall so that I miss most/all of it and end up in Europe somewhere (anywhere). The oppressive heat and the soon-to-be oppressive religion.. that’s a double whammy that one can only hope to avoid. High expectatiosn for the weekend as everyone draws in their final clubbing breath.

Sweaty is in Abu Dhabi but coming back tomorrow. I wanted to join (trip to a shooting range) but couldn’t rationalize a journey there and back. After the intial night of being really happy to see him again, it plateaued a little, quickly. A feeling that isn’t quite right. I think he’s trying to force a little space, out of respect for recent developments?

I’m on Google+ but.. no one else is utilizing it?

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Russian flight attendants at Hainan Airlines

Picture from China Daily

1. I had no idea Chinese airlines hired laowai FAs!

2. I’m jealous!

Do they speak fluent Mandarin? Are they based in China or their home countries? If just 1% of staff are foreigners, how many is that? Hundreds?

Foreign staff at Chinese airlines – People’s Daily Online (English)

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More Graffitti

I saw another piece of graffiti. It looks very similiar to this one from the other day, with in the black capitals and triangle at the end. The triangle is the right-way up, so I don’t think the tagger is a lesbian or a Nazi.

‘PLASTIC DREAMS AND PRIMAL SCREAMS △’

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Bacteriostatic

So for sure what I want to talk about is R! Stupid to use an initial for people since half the time I mention names in full.. anyway. After my day of watersports on Friday I met him and his friends at Loca, mostly a French-Lebanese bunch that he went to uni with, and then also the two pilots on my aircraft at Bodoiur. Spent the night at his place, which was nice :) It’s better when I drink less and remember more. I am constantly chastising myself about my reliance on alcohol to relax and have fun. I know I’m not alone with this problem, but still. It’s a very weak thing.

Now it’s 3 weeks since we met, and I’m liking him more and more. Partly I want to just fly again to get away, so I don’t have to.. try. Always easier not to try.. Though at 24 I ought to be semi well-versed in relationships. Don’t feel as though I deserve it at all, so that too makes me want to avoid things.

**

There was a slight glitch in a aviation job website so I sent an email to the admins, and the guy gave me free premium membership so now I can see all the posts. :) I’m not in the slightest interested in finding something else, but I feel compelled to look, to keep relatively up to date with what’s out there.

The aircraft I’m starting on has been here in Dubai since Thursday. Still no flights out! If I’m here this weekend then I will have had an entire month off. How insane is that?! A bit worried about getting complacent. But it’s difficult when it’s such a long stretch of time, and I’m not even at the hotel with the pilots, but just hanging free and easy at home :) Lovely!

**

Have been progressively sicker the last few days so bit the bullet yesterday and got antibiotics, over the counter, which I didn’t even know was allowed? How am I not aware of so many basic things? One such example: the other day Felix gave me his keys so I could wait for him inside the car. It was kind of dark in the lot and it took me 5 minutes to work out how to open the doors and the boot. And I had the wrong key in the ignition, hahaha!

Anyway, how does the pharmacist know if I have a virus or an infection? Isn’t this what the overuse and overprescibed warnings for antibiotics are all about? I am feeling markedly better today though, but still feel guilty about using them, as if it’s a virus then what you’re really supposed to do is just let it run it’s course. But honestly, who is going to be sniffling and miserable for two weeks?

**

I have no right at all to even menion this. But I miss having normal-people summer holidays. In my current set-up it isn’t really feasible, not like in Etihad when I had some idea of what was coming up and could book staff tickets to Spain on a whim and a (party) prayer. Everytime I read the word ‘Ibiza’ I get a little thrill followed by a little I’m-not-there sinking feeling.

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Protest in a Bike Lane

Short video by an NYC-based actor/director protesting against his $50 fine for cycling outside the designated the bike lane. A very persuasive argument!

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Gallup Moral Poll

Though it’s US-centic, there is a fascinating moral issues poll on Gallup, with all the controversial topics that resurface and relentlessly circulate in news and debates. Unmarried babies, dealth penalty, animal fur, abortion, porn, gambling, cloning, it’s all there. Euthanasia was the most controversial, determined by the difference in percentage of acceptability.

Americans are in broadest agreement about what behaviors are morally wrong. At least 8 in 10 U.S. adults interviewed in the May 5-8 survey say this about extramarital affairs, polygamy, cloning humans, and suicide. At least 6 in 10 say pornography and cloning animals are each morally wrong.

Widest agreement about what is morally acceptable, ranging from 60% to 69%, is found for divorce, the death penalty, gambling, embryonic stem cell research, and premarital sex. Also, 55% or better say medical testing on animals, gay/lesbian relations, and the use of animal fur for clothing are each acceptable.

The three most controversial issues — doctor-assisted suicide, abortion, and out-of-wedlock births — are the ones on which fewer than 15 points separate the percentage considering the issue morally acceptable from the percentage considering it morally wrong. Attitudes on each have been fairly stable in recent years.

U.S Perceived Moral Acceptability of Behaviours and Social Policies

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(Non-)Fun Bombs

I have this very strange feeling. Like I’m at, or on, the cusp of something. ‘But’, I’m saying to myself, ‘..what do you mean, I’m already done with a fair few big changes!’. April: new job. May: new apartment and new city. I do have an inclination of settling in, though it’s a uncomfortable contradiction. But I suppose these (moving, hopping) things aren’t unusual for me. And then, then it’s more like a turn of direction, in the finer, more subtle details of day-to-day existence? People, relationships, things that I’ve ridiculed or felt indifferent toward in the past. I’ve started seeing someone, 6 times over the course of a week -and-a-half (who’s keeping track?). Don’t need to point out that this is something pretty significant for me. I count in days, not relationship months or years like most people. Or count in encounters, be it frequent or infrequent, within some little time patch. It’s a struggle, definitely. Rug-out-from-under-my-feet, if I want to get dramatic. In reality, it just makes me wince a little.

I had a bad Sunday. Made a wallop-sized, very stupid mistake and missed my flight. Stupid because there was no good reason at all. Woke up far too late. 33 missed calls. Phone right beside my bed. Phone on silent. Wrong, wrong… So, the aircraft left Dubai without me. Very very luckily for me, it was just a positioning, and they were able to get another girl who was also on standby. I was completely tormented and they I’m grateful with how pleasant they were about the whole thing. Anyway, I’m still here, and will eventually start on one of the other aircrafts, no idea when though.

The voice in my head keeps asking me the same thing. Phrased in different ways, but essentially the same question. Am I hiding in this city, this job, this lifestyle? Is this reality? Seriously?

After that lost first weekend I had here it picked up. Have been going out a lot. Bars, clubs, bars, you know the drill. Felix threw together a nice BBQ on the first day of the long weekend. Nourhan moved into her new place, right at Financial Centre metro. I helped her shop for furniture. It hasn’t arrived yet, but hanging out at floor-level is a novelty anyway. It’s comforting – that someone I like is here for the ‘long-haul’, or at least throwing down some anchors (to what ever limited way one can do that in a place like Dubai).

Settling is just such a bitter-sweet thing. I appreciate security and stability, I do. But in another, the other context, when people say they have settled for something… that’s hard to muster approval for. Is it the adult, shoulder-sagging thing to accept that sometimes days are meager and non-eventful? That one week isn’t explosions of 24-hour fun bombs? In my mind settling has always been something abstract and ugly. Pretty much: don’t go there. But I know there’s an eventual point, a sneaky and subtle creep-up, when it becomes exhausting to feel so dissatisfied every single day. Then, the bar drops, and to some extent you can reach ‘happiness’, or at least a pool of contentment, swimming in normalcy.

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